Loss is part of the human experience. It’s one of the things we have in common with each other. When we lose someone we love, we often want to hold onto their physical possessions to remind us of them. In most situations, keeping some meaningful treasures is comforting. But what happens when your deceased loved one’s stuff overwhelms you? Maybe you are the person who is responsible for deciding what to do with their possessions. Perhaps all of their things have landed in your home, and you don’t have space, time, or energy to edit them. Maybe you’re still grieving, and it feels impossible or too soon to choose. I get it. I’ve been there personally and have walked the road with clients as they’ve faced similar circumstances.

It’s been seven months since my mom passed away. I miss her so much. I completed the editing and dispossessing process. Her lifetime of things, including her home of almost 60 years, has been sold, given to family members, donated, or discarded. I kept some furniture, art, books, jewelry, photos, memorabilia, and documents. There are still a few things I need to decide about. But mostly, her possessions and life are settled.

Beyond her stuff and physical presence, she remains with me in other ways. She visits me in my dreams. When I hear the music of Bach, Mozart, or musicals like The Sound of Music, I think of her. More recently, I was reminded about the power of the olfactory sense, which can transport us to another time in an instant. I hope my story will help you as you journey on your letting go path.

The Pine Needles

I am obsessed with the smell of the pines when I trek down the block. It’s as if I’m a huntress, hunting the scent. Several months ago, when I walked, I only smelled the pine if the wind blew in a particular way. The smell was fleeting. It was there one step and gone the next. I would back step, trying to get “it” again, but the aroma was gone. 

Why am I so obsessed? 

I have a memory from age six or seven. My parents took my siblings and me to a nature preserve for the weekend. Our car was packed with sleeping bags, slabs of wax for the lanterns, coolers, cots, and our dog, Sandy. They rented a lean-to, a three-sided, roofed structure, for our stay.

As we entered the park and drove up the road, tall, gracious pine trees marked the path on either side. My mom had my dad stop the car. She insisted we all gaze at the trees, open our windows, and take in their beautiful fragrance. My mom loved the smell. As we stood, I could hear her inhale the scent as she breathed in deeply and smiled. For those few minutes, the five of us stared and smelled as we enjoyed the moment. Whenever I smell fresh pine, I think of her.

On my walks down my block, I try to get a whiff of the trees. And every so often, I catch it. Then a few weeks ago, I noticed the dried pine needles falling in bunches to the ground. With their release came a concentrated scent. I’d walk, and there was the smell. I felt transported back to the time I had that moment with my mom so many decades ago.

She’s gone now. She left this year in March at 92 years young. But as I wander down the block, kicking the pine needles as I walk, it makes their fragrance even more intense. Gratitude and calm fill my being as I activate the aroma and feel my mom’s presence, strong like the scent of the dried pine needles.

“Gently let go when you can.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

For those of you that have lost a loved one, my heart goes out to you. If you are overwhelmed and struggling with letting go of physical possessions, I offer you this. Can you keep a few treasures and physical reminders? Can you allow the rest to move on? Your loved one’s memory will be with you in other ways through your stories, dreams, scents, sounds, and more. They wouldn’t want you to be overwhelmed or feel burdened by their stuff. Gently let go when you can.

Besides material possessions, what other ways keep you connected to your loved ones who have passed? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Clutter appears in different forms like physical clutter, which shows up in our possessions and space. There is also clutter that appears in the mind, body, and soul. Each type of clutter looks and feels different. Effective decluttering requires various strategies depending on where you are focused. There are no rules here. Sometimes when we organize our physical clutter first, the positive emotional benefits we receive make it easier to care for other aspects of our well-being. At other times, it’s essential to nurture our mind or body first so that we can manage the physical clutter in our lives. There is no right, wrong, or singular way. It might be easier if there were one way, but since you are unique, your needs and process will be too. How will you declutter your life in a way that feels authentic?

To spark your thoughts about decluttering, I’m sharing five ideas with you for decluttering stuff, space, mind, body, and soul. As you read them, notice if any resonate with you. Or do other ideas come to mind?

5 Authentic Ways to Declutter Your Life 

1. Declutter Stuff by Shredding

There is something cathartic about shredding old papers. It’s a physical and visceral experience to feed outdated documents into the machine. As you watch and hear them rip to pieces, you are physically letting go. Recently, I edited and shredded two years of old tax back-up documents. They were ready to go because they were older than the seven years from the date of the filing requirement. I also thinned out and shredded some additional business and personal documents. Seeing the big bags of shredded papers exit the house on recycling day was incredibly satisfying. I felt lighter and less burdened by the past. The positive sense made me want to do more, and I know I will.

2. Declutter Space By Releasing

As you know, for the last few months, I’ve been offering virtual organizing only because of the pandemic. If this is something you are interested in trying, let me know, and we can set-up a VO session. With one VO client, I’ve been helping her regain space in her bedroom. For a variety of reasons, her clothing was overwhelming her room. Instead of having a peaceful, calm place, the piles, bags, and boxes were dominating the space. It’s a work in progress that’s going beautifully. I support her as she makes decisions about what to keep, donate, or discard. Each time we work together, we see the progress, as she lets go, declutters, and gets her space closer to what she envisions.

3. Declutter Mind By Conversing

We all have mind clutter. Our thoughts can be filled with worry, self-doubt, fear, and sadness. When those thoughts overtake us, it’s hard to focus on anything positive. One of the things that help is releasing those ideas by talking with trusted friends or loved ones. I have a standing weekly Zoom call with a small group of girlfriends. We go around the room and share parts of our week. We talk about our successes, challenges, worries, concerns, and observations. We support one another as we navigate this unprecedented time of change and uncertainty. After our calls, my mind feels clearer (yes, decluttered), calmer, and darn grateful for this generous group of women.

“One of the ways I declutter my being is by soaking in nature’s beauty.”

— Linda Samuels

4. Declutter Body by Honoring

It’s easy to hold tension in our bodies. We are often unaware that we’re doing it until our shoulders, jaws, or backs begin aching, crying out in pain. Perhaps we forget to move away from our screens and are sitting too long without a break. Worry, stress or fear can manifest itself physically in our bodies. This happens to me. However, I have four regular habits that help me return and attend to my body in a caring way. They are my body decluttering practices- mindfulness meditation, yoga, walking, and showering. Each of these encourages awareness of physical conditions and sensations. They remind me to soften, adjust, and attend.

5. Declutter Soul By Engaging

One of the ways I declutter my being is by soaking in nature’s beauty. Each season is magnificent, but there is something downright magical about spring. If you followed me on one of my walks, you’d catch me sneaking up on some flowers. You would see me lower my mask and stick my nose in the lilacs, viburnum, and other blooms to take in their sweet scents. You would find me outside digging in the dirt and planting colorful flowers in our ceramic pots. If you followed me on a walk, you’d find me meandering in the woods, walking along the river, or being still as I listened to the birds singing or watched the water flow. Engaging with nature declutters the deepest corners of my soul. I am enveloped by lightness and calm after spending time outdoors.

There are many ways to declutter your stuff, space, mind, body, and soul. Are there any areas that want your attention? What is one of your go-to decluttering strategies? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Are you in the process of working towards your organizing or other goals? I admire the determination and openness my clients have as they pursue theirs. Getting organized is a process, which is complex and often lengthy. Goals, habits, and perspectives change as progress is made. Goals often seem so overwhelming in their enormity and so far away, that we can get discouraged. However, like with all things, if we put one foot in front of the other, taking that next step, eventually we’ll get there.

The other day when I was organizing with one of my long-term clients, she said something that was so brilliant. I had to acknowledge and capture her thought. She gave me permission to share it with you. She said,

“More of my life is where it belongs.”

Think about that one. In the process of getting organized, things are almost never where they belong. Our possessions, our thoughts, our habits, and our choices can be radically out of alignment with our values and dreams. It’s spectacular that my client realized this positive progress after she’s been working consistently on these issues.

If you’re feeling discouraged, overwhelmed, or like you’ll never “get there,” know there’s hope. Know there is calm after the chaos. Know that it’s possible to have your life how you’d like it to be.

Just take that next step. Take another. Keep choosing “next.” You will get there.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. What next step will bring you closer to feeling your life is “where it belongs?” Come join the conversation.

It’s thrilling to begin our third "Ask the Expert" interview series! In the past few years we’ve created a monthly venue to connect you with industry thought leaders. We’ve enjoyed inspiring conversations with best-selling author Gretchen Rubin, productivity guru David Allen, organizer and future thinker Judith Kolberg, theory of Multiple Intelligences creator Dr. Howard Gardner, and many more. The 2014 interviews continue with another dynamic group of experts. I’m excited to start the year with author, blogger and minimalist trailblazer, Joshua Becker to share his wisdom about simple living and fresh starts.

While I’ve been a loyal @Joshua _Becker Twitter follower for a while now, we recently “met” while appearing in a Selfication blog post together about simplifying and organizing your life. Shortly thereafter, I invited Joshua to contribute to one of my posts about life balance. I asked him, “What do you want more of and less of to create your desired balance?” Being true to his minimalist philosophy, he provided an insightful and concise response, “More focus on the important things. Less distraction on the little.”  A few weeks later he contacted me to see if I’d be interested (and I was) in reading an advance copy of his soon to be released book, Clutterfree with Kids. The book is filled with practical strategies and deep wisdom. It’s a must read! His ideas provide a great catalyst for reconsidering our lives. My deepest gratitude and thanks goes to Joshua for taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about him.

Joshua Becker is the founder and editor of Becoming Minimalist, a website that inspires others to find more life by owning less. His rational approach to minimalist living has made him one of today’s most-influential simple living advocates. He is also the best-selling author of Simplify: 7 Guiding Principles to Help Anyone Declutter Their Home and Life and the newly released, Clutterfree with Kids. He lives with his wife and two children in Peoria, AZ. You can connect with Joshua on Facebook, Twitter, or website.

Linda Samuels:  As an author, speaker, blogger and dad, you inspire others to consider the minimalist approach to life. How do you describe minimalism?

Joshua Becker:  I describe minimalism as the ‘intentional promotion of everything I most value and the removal of anything that distracts me from it.’  When many people hear the word ‘minimalism,’ they often imagine barren walls, tiny houses, or living out of backpacks. But that is not how we view it. We’ve just come to understand that material possessions do not add lasting joy to our lives—even worse, they often distract us from the very things that do. We have two small kids. We live in the suburbs. We enjoy having people over to our house. Our lives are unique. Minimalism is always going to look different for us. But it’s going to be about removing the excess possessions that keep us from the things we love the most.

Linda:  You’ve said, “There is more joy to be found in owning less than can ever be found in organizing more.” What are some benefits of “de-owning?”

Joshua:  The benefit of owning less is an important concept—one that most people can easily relate to. It’s just that in this world where we are constantly told to buy more and more, we never take a step back and ask ourselves, “How would my life be better if I owned less stuff?” For starters, we’d have less cleaning, less stress, less debt. We’d experience more freedom, more time, and more intentionality—more opportunity to pursue our greatest passions. And eventually, when the desire for physical possessions is removed, our hearts are open to contentment, gratitude, and generosity. It’s really quite wonderful in every respect.

Linda:  In your just released book, Clutterfree with Kids you share many ways to shift perspectives about how families live with and think about their possessions. What are some first steps for clutter-free living?

Joshua:  The absolute first step is to rethink the all too common “more is better” mentality. One of the easiest ways to understand clutter is to recognize it as too much stuff in too little space. And our homes are full of stuff: our kitchen cabinets, our closets, our garages, and our toy rooms. The first step to living clutterfree is to remove the things in our homes that are not used or needed. Grab three boxes (donate, recycle, discard), pick one room, and fill them up. The key is not to find more storage solutions for your stuff—the key is minimizing the number of things we own.

Linda:  Along with having kids, comes owning toys. You said, “I’m not anti-toy. I’m pro-child.” You make a powerful case that having fewer toys translates into kids with longer attention spans, better social skills, and being more resourceful. What else can you tell us about the “less toys” benefits?

Joshua:  And this is proven by scientific studies. Kids who own fewer toys learn to be more creative, more generous, more resourceful and more perseverant with longer attention spans. There are too many parents nowadays who have a hard time saying ‘no’ to their children. But it is good for kids to learn boundaries and to learn that there are other ways to express love than buying toys and giving gifts.

Linda:  What has been your biggest personal challenge around becoming a minimalist?

Joshua:  I think the biggest challenge for me is often the biggest challenge for others as well. The journey to becoming a minimalist (and I’ll be the first to admit it is a journey, not a destination) is one of the most difficult and fulfilling inward journeys anyone can embark upon. My first mini-van load of things to Goodwill was easy, so was the second. But by the third or fourth vanload of items to drop off, you can’t help but start asking yourself some pretty difficult questions—starting with, “If I didn’t really need this stuff, why did I buy it all in the first place?” And when those questions of life purpose, life focus, and wasted opportunity start beginning to surface, it can be very difficult to realize the level of discontent most of us live our lives in. It is a challenge. And it’s helpful to have someone close to help process the feelings that emerge. It is both highly difficult and beautifully delightful all at the same time.

Linda:  Is there anything you’d like to share that I haven’t asked?

Joshua:  I think I’ve overstepped my word-limit, so I’ll just leave it at that. Thank you for the opportunity Linda.

You’re most welcome, Joshua. I’m grateful for each of your carefully chosen words. Thank you for all the insights you shared about simple living, minimalism, and the significance of less. Your message is positive and filled with hope. I love how you describe your journey as both “difficult and beautifully delightful.” What a powerful underlying concept you explore about possessing less so you can shift your focus away from stuff management and towards what’s truly important and meaningful.

I invite all of you to join Joshua and me as the conversation continues. We’d love to hear your thoughts about minimalism, fresh starts, or anything else you’d like to share. What resonates with you?