One of the treasures of being human is our capacity for thought. Ideas that visit your mind can become seeds for creating marvelous inventions or provocative works of art. Your thoughts can turn into action for self-change or positive advances in the world. Thoughts can foster compassion for people in distress or motivate you forward.

What happens when you have unhelpful thoughts? Have you ever engaged in negative self-talk, unnecessary doubt, self-sabotaging thoughts, or word loops that keep you stuck? I have and so have many of my clients. It’s not productive or helpful, but it is a common human experience.

Years ago, I traveled to Austin for an organizing conference. During one of the breaks, I walked into town and discovered this message spray-painted onto the side of a building. It said, “We don’t say fried. We say, deep sauté.” Talk about a reframe! Some of you will agree that eating fried foods isn’t the healthiest choice. Saying “deep sauté” instead doesn’t make the food more nutritious, but it immediately changes my perspective to something more positive. That is the power of the reframe.

While I’m not encouraging you to eat more fried or deep-sauteed foods, I suggest you use this concept to adjust your negative self-talk and other unproductive thoughts.

Let’s test some out.

Instead of:                                          Use:

I’ve never been organized.                 I’m learning to get organized.

My clutter is overwhelming.               I am decluttering a little bit each day.

I don’t know how to get organized.   I will reach out for organizing help.

I’m not good enough.                         I am enough.

I have so much to do.                         I get to focus on what is most important.

“One of the treasures of being human is our capacity for thought.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVOP™

What are some of the negative, self-sabotaging thoughts you have? What are alternate reframes? Does it help you think differently by changing your perspective? Your mind can be channeled in many ways.

The next time you’re going down the adverse rabbit hole, stop. Reframe and adjust your thoughts in a more supportive direction. If you need help reframing and activating, I’m just a phone call or email away. I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to reach out and/or join the conversation.

Mindfulness strengthens awareness, which filters into all aspects of life. Mindfulness can influence how you approach moment-to-moment experiences, your choices, and how intentional (or not) you are. Bringing a mindful approach to people, places, and things enhances your wellbeing.

Intertwined with mindfulness is a question that my good friend and life coach, Yota Schneider, offered recently. I first heard her question during a retreat she facilitated. Yota also wrote about it in her recent blog post, The Power of the Questions We Ask Ourselves. So what is this profound question? She asked, “Is it necessary?”

I love how the query brings mindful attention and focus to your thinking. The question cuts through the noise and is universally applicable. It allows for a gentle opening, which creates a path for positive, intentional choices. Many things in life are unnecessary, like unhelpful thoughts, physical stuff that blocks your space, calendar clutter, or relationships that drain rather than energize you.

The beauty of Yota’s question also encourages you to also answer the opposite one; What is necessary? When you let go of the unessential, unproductive, and damaging stuff, you create room for remarkable possibilities and a life filled with the things you purposefully choose.

“Is it necessary?”

— Yota Schneider

Going back to Yota’s retreat, she guided us in a group meditation with the “Is it necessary?” prompt. After, we wrote about what surfaced during our practice. Below is a personal journal entry from that experience where I reflected on “necessary.”

Linda’s Journal Entry

Is it necessary? Breathing? Most definitely necessary. Resting? Yes, yes, and yes! Having quiet? Not always, but sometimes like tonight, so needed and lovely. As I relaxed in the silence of the meditation, I drifted and then floated. Where did I go? It was a still, peaceful, calm place. No demands on myself or the time. A feeling of being. I might have drifted off here or there. When I returned, my awareness was of stillness- no sound or sensations, no attention to my breath. It felt necessary. Needed. So needed.

What isn’t necessary? The negative self-talk, doubt, and feeling of not knowing what to do next. When I’m in ‘focus mode,’ doubt generally recedes. I feel the momentum and motivation to move towards that thing, goal, or destination. I’m on the journey, a path of discovery and action.

But when the wind changes, and it does, I head in the not necessary direction. The breeze took me there today for a portion of my day. The plan for the day veered off course, and so did my thoughts- the unnecessary, unhelpful ones.

Slowly, after two good walks, a few meals, and snacks, I willed myself back. I let go of the doubt or suspended it long enough to take one step. That led to another and back to where I wanted to be. Is it necessary to course correct? Sometimes it is because it’s impossible to be at 100% capacity 100% of the time.

Is it necessary? Breathing? Yes. Resting? Yes. Making a distinction between the essential and not necessary? A resounding yes!

How does mindfulness influence your decision-making? When you think about the choices before you, will you use the question- Is it necessary? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

What is one of the biggest obstacles that prevent you from making the changes you want? Our automatic negative thoughts, aka ANTS, can be a change blocker. They can damage your self-esteem, make you doubt your decisions, stop you from reaching your goals, or keep you stuck in a loop of negativity. What becomes possible when you transform negative energy and shift to a positive, growth-oriented mindset? How could that change benefit you?

Recently I was struggling with some personal ANTS. I discovered several strategies for working with and changing persistent negative self-talk. Shower yourself with love. In celebration of February, the love month, I encourage you to keep those warm Valentine’s Day feelings alive and extend some extra love and compassion to yourself.

As you consider these strategies I learned, I hope they will help you reframe the negativity and flourish.

5 Ways to Empower Change by Quieting Your Negative Self-Talk

During a weekly Executive Mom Nest coaching session, Leesa Askew, incredible colleague, Nest Advisor, and Transformational Coach, presented ideas about making your mindset an asset. To do that, she shared ways to “change the channel…change the programming.” Leesa learned these ANTS-busting strategies from Dr. Daniel Amen.

1. Write Affirmations

Create affirmations to counteract those ANTS. Write down three to five uplifting phrases you can repeat and keep in view. You can use your own words or find a favorite quote. This is one of Leesa’s personal favorites:

“I am always in the right place at the right time in the right state of mind.” 

If you feel stuck finding your words and want to try something fun, check out the interactive Affirmation Wheel my husband shared with me from Noom. When I clicked on the wheel, it coincidentally landed on this one:

“I have the power to create change.” 

How awesome is that? The next time doubt creeps in, I’ll have this affirmation ready to work its magic.

2.  Use Music

As Leesa said, music is a powerful force that “can stimulate the brain” and put you in a “subliminal trance.” She suggests creating a “Killing the ANTS Playlist.”  Which songs lift you up, bring a smile to your face, and shift your mood from crummy to happy? Music can completely alter how we feel. What songs will you include on your playlist? 

Here are several from mine:

• Respect – Aretha Franklin

• Happy – Pharrell Williams

• Better Together – Jack Johnson

• Stand By Me – Ben King

• Can’t Get What You Want – The Rolling Stones

• With A Little Help From My Friends – The Beatles

Pharrell Williams - Happy (video)

3. Get Physical

Interestingly, any type of physical activity can energize you and stop those negative thoughts from surfacing. Leesa shared how 25 jumping jacks can give you more energy than drinking two cups of coffee. Plus, physical movement has the added bonus of shifting your mindset to the positive. 

The next time your ANTS come marching in, stand up, get moving, and say bye-bye to the negativity. Take a brisk walk, go on a bike ride, dance around the house (using your new playlist, of course,) or do those 25 jumping jacks. You’ve got this!

“I have the power to create change.”

— Noom, Affirmation Wheel

Each week I receive Todd Henry’s 3 Things email, the “creative sparks to help you do better work.”  This week’s edition was well-timed because Todd included strategies for counteracting the negative “chatter” in your head. Hello, negative self-talk!

Todd referenced his podcast conversation with Dr. Ethan Kross, psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and author of Chatter – The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It.  I love these ideas Todd shared from the podcast with Dr. Kross, and I hope you do too.

4. Address Yourself

When negative self-talk takes over, “speak countering messages directly to yourself, and call yourself by name when you do it.” This is so powerful. If I rewrite my affirmation from number one above, it becomes,

“Linda, you have the power to create change.”

Coming in loudly and clearly. What message do you need to hear?

5. Welcome Growth

We often receive feedback, which may be unsolicited or not. When the comment isn’t favorable, doubt and negative self-talk can surface. I love this suggestion for redirecting that energy.

“Refuse to personalize critiques, but instead see them as an opportunity for growth.” 

Adopting the growth mindset is valuable in all situations. It shifts the focus from being defensive or thinking, ‘what’s wrong with me?’ to ‘what can I learn from this?’ 

Are there changes you’d like to pursue but find that ANTS create an obstacle? Which strategies resonate with you? Do you have other ways to counterbalance negative self-talk? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Do you dread change, especially unwanted change? If so, you’re not alone. We often prefer things to stay as they are, even if we aren’t happy about our situation. When we are the change seeker, as all of my organizing clients are, we can still experience doubt, anxiety, fear, or lack of confidence. 

As someone who gravitates towards stability, I also push myself to make changes. Trying something different is rarely easy or comfortable. The journey can be challenging, with hiccups along the path. And at times, especially with unplanned change, we can wonder, “Why is this happening to me?”

Change is often accompanied by choppy waters and unexpected obstacles. What if there were a way to navigate with less stress and more grace? What difference can a shift in perspective make?

I heard something so powerful during a mindfulness meditation that I have to share it with you. Meditation teacher Bethany Auriel-Hagan offered a perspective that can help you navigate all types of change (desired or unplanned) with more ease. She said, “Change is happening for you, in favor of you, and doesn’t that change everything?”

“Change is happening for you, in favor of you, and doesn’t that change everything?”

— Bethany Auriel-Hagen

Let’s unpack that. Bethany offers that instead of change happening to you, it’s happening for you. The implication is change brings lessons and growth. The next time you struggle with change, what if you shift your perspective to this growth mindset? How would it alter your experience and attitude?

Consider a change you are in the midst of right now. Are you driving this change? Or, is it unplanned and possibly have no control over? Does reframing it shift your thinking? Can you see the benefit or lesson? Are there growth possibilities?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.