Letting go can be challenging, especially when we have strong emotional attachments to our things. You might wonder why you have to let go? You don’t. You always have a choice. However, there are pivotal moments in our lives when letting go is necessary and you’re struggling. Perhaps you are in the midst of a significant life change like moving or rightsizing. Maybe you lost a loved one and are responsible for editing and dispossessing their things. Or, perhaps you are overwhelmed with a mountain of belongings that no longer deserve physical or mental space in your life. When we combine emotional transitions with a propensity for strong attachments to our stuff, letting go can be difficult.

Minimalist Leo Babauta wrote something, which resonated with me. He referred to “the skill of letting go.”  All skills require practice. His description is infused with hope. It suggests that even if you are struggling with letting go, you can practice and improve. This is something I’ve experienced with my clients. The more they work at letting go, the less challenging it becomes.

4 Ways to Let Go of Things When Emotional Attachments are Powerful

1. Exercise Letting Go Muscles

I’ve always perceived letting go as a muscle that needs to be exercised like other muscles. However, we wouldn’t start lifting with a 100 lb. weight. We’d start small, maybe with a five-pounder, and build from there. This thought process is similar to letting go of the things we’re attached to. Exercise your letting go muscles by starting with the “lighter-weight” possessions like clothing or junk mail. Get a letting go rhythm established and work your way to the “heavier-weight” items that you feel more emotionally connected. Like most of us starting an exercise routine, it’s helpful to have an accountability partner or trainer. For help exercising your letting go muscles, hire a professional organizer like me, or work with a trusted friend or family member. It can make all the difference.

2. Normalize Emotional Attachments

It is prevalent, especially with people challenged by disorganization, to have strong emotional attachments to things. When attachments are heightened, identify and display your most valued treasures, set boundaries around what “enough” means, and use physical boundary parameters like a box or closet size. For items that get released, make the “homes” they go meaningful and that the places or people they are donated or given to will appreciate them. All of these things will make letting go easier to process.

“Letting go can be challenging, especially when we have strong emotional attachments to our things.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

3. Incentivize Letting Go

When we invite people over for a small gathering (tiny these days because of the pandemic,) what happens? Most of us become motivated to make our home guest-ready. This can include cleaning, decluttering, and letting go. Establishing a manufactured date can boost incentive for getting your home “good enough” for your company. Consider increasing the frequency of invitations to friends and family (using COVID safety protocols) as a dual incentive- more socializing time and increased opportunities to sort, edit, organize, and let go.

4. Minimize Kinesthetic Sympathy

When we physically touch things, it can increase our emotional attachment to them. This is the premise of kinesthetic sympathy. If you can, work with someone who can physically hold up the items for you while selecting what to keep or release. Putting physical distance and touch between you and the object can make decision-making more manageable. Physical space decreases emotional attachment and helps distinguish what is most treasured from the things that are no longer needed.

Do you or someone you know feel challenged with letting go? Do emotional attachments make it harder to let go? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

We’ve all heard the saying, “If it ain’t broke, don't fix it.”  That goes along the same line of thinking as something being good enough. If it is good enough, is it worth disrupting to make it better?

However, what if something is broken? Is it worth fixing? Broken can include things that no longer work like that DVD player, missing pieces to a game, or favorite a sweater that is well (really well) worn. It can even include negative relationships that only bring angst.

There is also the proactive approach like Gerald Nadler’s. His philosophy describing breakthrough thinkers is,

“Fix it before it breaks.”

Of course, that isn’t always possible.

Our decisions and their effectiveness are based on the quality of the questions we ask. This is true while we’re going through the organizing process, when we’re making big life decisions, or when we’re navigating relationships. So what are the possibilities between good enough and broken? How do we weigh them? How do we know which path to take?

Just to be clear, I’m not advocating that we live our lives without striving. It’s a matter of selecting where our effort gets invested. There are times when good enough is enough and when broken things don’t need to be fixed. Being able to identify those situations can be freeing because it gives us the space to focus on what we feel is most important and meaningful.

I’ve put together a list of questions to get you started. There are no value judgments here. This is simply a guide to help you with decision-making. It can be applied to many different situations. I’m sure that you will think of other questions to add to the list. I welcome your ideas and additions. Please include them in the comment section at the end of the post.

How do we weigh the possibilities between good enough and broken? 

Questions to Ask When Things Are Good Enough . . .

• What will I gain from changing what’s good enough?
• Do I want to make those changes because I’m not satisfied with good enough?
• Do I have the time to invest in making things better than they already are?
• Do I have the motivation to make improvements?
• Instead of fixing what’s good enough, are there other things/situations/people that could benefit more from my attention?
• Where does my desire to improve things originate?
• Is perfectionism involved?
• What are my thoughts about good enough?
• Does the phrase continual improvement resonate with me?
• How does continual improvement relate to good enough?

Questions to Ask When Things Are Broken . . .

• Is it worth fixing?
• If so, why?
• How long has it been broken?
• What would happen if I let it go?
• Is there a value in repairing it?
• Is it worth the time, energy, and resources (financial and/or emotional) to fix it?
• What if I don’t know how to fix it or where to start?
• Would it be more cost effective, time efficient, or less stressful to start with something new, rather then to repair what’s broken?
• What old habits and behaviors might be preventing me from letting go?
• Do I want to invest my time in fixing what’s broken?
• Do I want invest my energy elsewhere?

As we enter this new season, revisit the things in your life that are just right, need fixing, require letting go, or beg for more attention and focus. You’ll find the answers in the questions you ask. Possibilities are waiting. What are you noticing? I’d love to hear your thoughts along with any questions you’d like to add to the lists. Come join the conversation!