What do tooth fairies, working mothers, and fathers have in common? We’re all about the kids, our work is never done, and we keep late hours. Our girls have long ago passed the tooth fairy stage. The jig is up, and they know now that for the many years of visits, Mom and Dad weren’t just the tooth fairy’s assistant, but they were actually the tooth fairy.

In the process of helping our youngest daughter organize and get ready for college we came across some things that brought back memories of those days. Tucked away in one of her drawers was the “tooth fairy pillow.” Each time she lost a tooth, that special pillow would magically appear in the night with her tooth, some money and a limerick tucked into its pocket. When I asked Cassie if she still wanted the pillow, she looked at me in surprise, hugged it and said, “Of course!”

As we organized her room, going through drawers and shelves, we also came across the box of teeth and the famous tooth fairy limericks, which were neatly clipped together. So at this point, I’m guessing that you’re wondering what the heck is a tooth fairy limerick?

In our family, the tradition that my husband invented was that each time our girls lost a tooth, the tooth fairy would not only leave a token amount of money, but would write a limerick that reflected how the tooth was lost. So each of our girls have quite the collection.

The back-story is that Steve and I would wait until they went to sleep. As working parents, this was often a difficult thing to do because by the time they were asleep, we were exhausted. But we were devoted to the tradition. You can imagine trying to be clever at 11pm, midnight, 1am. You get the picture. I’d like to say we collaborated, but mostly, he was the writer and I consulted, laughed or just tried NOT to fall asleep before the writing was done. This was serious parenting business! I remember many silly nights of limerick writing.

Here is one of my favorites-

“On the eve of the millennium

we found

that dear Cassie’s front tooth

came unwound.

She wanted it out,

so she pulled it about,

‘till that tooth popped right out

in her hand.”

Helping our youngest get ready for college is bittersweet. Preparing together involves visiting her past, reviewing her life and getting her ready for the future. When we came across the pillow, teeth and limericks, the three of us stopped while Steve read out loud all the limericks to us. What a beautiful tribute to Cassie, to parenting, to capturing significant moments and to recognizing what letting go is all about. Those limericks honored transitions- the loss of one thing and the moving ahead to something new.

Whether it’s kids loosing teeth, leaving the nest or something else, what transitions are you going through now?

What is it about our kids and fun? They know how to have it free and clear of guilt. They don’t ponder when or how but jump in 100%. As parents, it can be all too easy to disengage while they are content on their own. Some alone time is important, but there are plenty of opportunities to join them. For me, one of the true joys of parenting has been playing with them and catching (in a good way) their exuberance.

Especially as a working mom, the conflict of finding that comfortable balance between family and work has been an ongoing pursuit. When you’re in the middle of writing a report or drafting an email and your child asks, “Do you want to play a game, Mom?” a first response can often be, “Not now.” Then time moves on, and that opportunity for fun disappears. Not that it was always possible, but when asked, I tried to respond with, “I’d LOVE to play with you.” I knew how precious our time together was, and I didn’t want to miss chances to be silly and bond with our daughters.

Our girls never had difficulty figuring out something fun to do. As kids, they were the fun-makers and still are now that they’re teenagers. There were lots of dress-up. I can remember the hours they spent trying on costumes, making up dances, plays, and then inviting us for a show. I remember my mouth aching from smiling so much, just watching them. Often the dance performances would end up in audience participation with all of us dancing around our living room together. Being open to their playing brought out the silliness in us.

“Work will always exist, but experiencing the joy of playing with your children will not.” ”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Sometimes fun came in a quiet form like when we read and snuggled together. Sometimes it was fun to take a walk, sing, or talk along the way. Water always provided a great source of entertainment between bathtubs, pools, rivers, and oceans. And sometimes fun was for just a few moments in the form of uncontrollable laughter.

Our girls grew up with two entrepreneurial parents that worked from home. Translated, that meant it was possible to be working 24/7. But both my husband and I made it a priority not to postpone fun. We knew that in the big scheme between the dancing, the baking, the laughing, and the swimming, these moments with our girls were fleeting. Work would always exist, but experiencing the joy of playing with your children would not.

If you really want to surprise your kids, ask them if they’d like to play a game or do something fun with you. Hopefully, they’ll say, “I’d LOVE to!”

What fun have you said “yes” to lately?

Raising two girls has not only been one of the most tremendous joys of my life, but it has also been a wonderful education. It was fascinating to learn what motivated them to explore and accomplish. As parents, it’s challenging to identify what motivates us, let alone figuring out what motivates our children. Both pursuits are worthwhile. Why is it that we do anything? The answer varies as widely as we do. We are not made from the same mold and what motivates you to accomplish your goals is different from what motivates your kids.

For our older daughter, Allison, it was apparent that she was motivated by her own agenda from a very early age. She was born determined, faced all challenges head-on, and never looked at “no” as an obstacle. To her, the word “no” was simply an opportunity to arrive at a “yes.” She tried walking at nine months, kept falling, getting up, and trying until she got it. Praise was not important to her. She had her own internal bar that she set from which she motivated herself. She had her own set of rules, way of working, and pacing. We encouraged and cheered her on but pretty much just stepped back as she explored. Music was important to her. While she had many opportunities to perform, she never really liked playing for others. One of her greatest pleasures was and still is just playing for herself for the sheer joy of it.

For Cassie, two years younger, she was motivated by external rewards, expectations, group experiences, and recognition. One of my clearest memories of this was around potty training. When it came time to potty train Cassie at age two, Allison decided to help. She created a potty training system. In our bathroom, where we had the potty, Allison placed a small stool and a basket of books. She then attached a chart to the wall next to the potty. Every time Cassie said, “I have to go,” Allison would say, “Come on, let’s go!” She would then grab her sister’s hand, and the two of them would run into the bathroom together. And so the motivation began. Allison would sit with Cass, keeping her company and reading to her for as long as she liked. If Cassie just sat on the potty, Allison let her pick out a small sticker to place on the chart. If Cassie sat and did “a little something,” Allison let her choose a medium sticker for the chart. And for the “grand prize,” Cassie got a large sticker. Then the two of them would come and give us a recap, and we’d add to the hoopla and fanfare. Within less than a week, our four-year-old had successfully potty trained our two-year-old. Talk about being motivated!

Allison understood what motivated Cassie. Being with others or having group experiences motivated her, so running in and reading together worked. Cassie was motivated by the “reward” concept, hence the sticker system. And praise and recognition were in play by the special attention, encouragement, and recognition her sister gave her.

As Cassie developed, her love of being with others in various group experiences became even more essential. It was never about the stuff, but always about the people. Theatre and performing became her passion. It appeals to who she is on so many levels- the collaborative group experience, the recognition, and the applause.

Knowing what motivates us is crucial. Understanding what motivates and excites our children is vital in understanding who they are and helping them on their journey through life. So whether you’re in the potty training, college searching, or somewhere in-between stage, look for those motivation clues.

What motivates your kids? 

We spend a good part of our days thinking about what we have to do, want to do, or do. We spend even more time working on getting those things done. And then there are the moments or snapshots that mark time. Sometimes I can conjure up these images, and other times, I’m reminded of the moments from photos. These treasured photos help me remember both the mundane and significant moments that mark the passage of time.

As a parent, some of the significant family moments are things like the births of our children, first days of school, recitals, birthdays, graduations and all the “big” events in between. We know these moments define change. Then there are the beautiful non-event moments that get captured like your child smiling in delight or holding their Daddy’s hand.

“Our time is partly in the planning, but mostly in the moments that make us stop and realize how precious time is.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

As our youngest daughter just went to her senior prom, you can imagine the volume of photos that were taken of her and her friends. The paparazzi of parents gathered together with their cameras to capture this significant moment in their sons’ and daughters’ lives. Some were teary eyed as they watched their “babies” all grown up in their prom attire. Some talked in disbelief wondering, “Where did the time go?”

Photos were taken and our kids went off. The parents remained with instantaneous digital pictures preserving the memory.

As I looked at the prom photos, I thought about other times of “dressing-up.” Our daughters loved putting on costumes whether is was Halloween or not. They’d appear as ballerinas, fairies, princesses or other characters. Hours were spent selecting costumes and playing pretend. Perhaps things haven’t changed so much. They are still dressing up, but differently from when they were little girls.

Our time is partly in the planning, but mostly in the moments that make us stop and realize how precious time is. So, even if you are in the midst of a frenzy of lists to complete and places to go, take some time to stop and appreciate the moment you are in. It all goes way too fast.

What are you appreciating right now?